kesem

I give up on the idea of intimacy and dedicate all my time to school and writing. Homophobia pushes me to self-harm. After graduating from high school, I come out as bisexual.

My second coming out is as burdensome as the first. I develop an attraction toward girls, grow sick of my fake friends and homophobia in Israel, and fall into depression. Twelve years later, I realize I’ve failed in life.

Parties, bullies, and tears lead to physicial, emotional, and social growth.

I lose a close friend to her series of boyfriends and worry that coming out will ruin my friendships. My growth over the past year makes me wonder about future changes.

I continue to have nightmares as I grow addicted to my new Nintendo DSi and realize gay people exist everywhere.

My nightmares persist as I sink into anger, pain, and jealousy over a dubious friend and her boyfriend. I must come out soon.

“You’ll always be alone, because you’re gay,” she said. No one will ever want me. I’d cry if I hadn’t lost the ability to. Writing is the only thing that offers me refuge.

Even though my genes made me hideous, I finally have friends, for the first time ever. Relief pacifices my need to come out.

As I wait for my coveted Nintendo DSi, I feel misunderstood by my friends, and decide to come out.

Homework, exams, nightmares, and ugliness make me anxious, yet I can’t even count on my friends.

As I fantasize about a Nintendo DS and worry about coming out to hostile friends, a cryptic nightmare keeps me up.

I go back to seventh grade and recall the pressure other students put on me to come out.