One always has exaggerated ideas about what one doesn’t know.
Albert Camus, The Stranger
In chapter 3, I…
- Analyze my nightmare of supernatural burglary
- Try to change my appearance and re-invent my style
- Wonder who among my friends to come out to – B or H
- Agonize over my ugliness, homework, and exams
About the dream from the last chapter. Now its meaning is clear to me, but back then I spent many a recess at the library, scouring the psychoanalysis shelf for books about dreams. My friends and I enjoyed deciphering each other’s. One of my majors in uni was psychoanalysis.
?????3?1? 21:59 Sunday
I guess I still find time to journal now! Anyway regarding the weird dream. A house means something good (cant recall) but I remember it was something good I could connect to coming out of the closet. Im just not sure about the thing with Pokémon trying to break in
[The rest of this entry is about stuff like Pokémon, Ugly Betty, more talk about my genes you get the point ]
?????3?3? 22:36 Tuesday
God what a tiring day! Two whole hours of math practice before the test (I barely understand anything :O) plus two hours and fifteen minutes of Japanese.
So I talked to H and told her everything and now its all good and I know I hurt her a little but it does bother her and I asked her not to make fun of me anymore.
I also talked to dad about contact lenses and its not that dangerous like mom said (and weirdly the doctor too) and its okay to do. But mom wont discuss it until the summer ._. but I do want to do it
N and I were just talking and she said I was changing (duh!). That Im like changing my style (tight jeans :3) and hair and now I want contacts and shes really annoying. First of all shes supposed to understand and now everyone is developing their personal style, but the annoying thing is that she has a lot of stigmas and prejudice and mostly toward boys which includes: they all must have cropped hair, not to care about how they dress and look. And its driving me crazy she is nagging me about the hair and [this goes on ]
?????3?4? 22:31 Wednesday
I have no time to breathe.
I need to prepare stuff for gamad megumad [the Purim version of Secret Santa], make a mishloach manot, finish the costume thing (update: I bought a white shirt and pants for a Smurf costume <3 and then found a shirt at home with a picture of that Smurf with the glasses! So I decided to take it. Need to buy a hat + shoes), get ready for a math test I know nothing about, do a ton of homework for English class tomorrow, plus theres an excursion to the Technoda from neuroscience class (this year its astrophysics), watch a ton of TV, play the Wii, start (go back to) being on the computer because today the internet got fixed, maybe watch anime (today was the first time in 4 months!), read a book now for English tomorrow and make progress with the million others, of course do homework, make time for thinking and reflecting on things, and then journal, and of course eat, shower and sleep as much as possible (major sleep signs) and then mom screams at me to come help every minute!! And I havent checked my horoscope in two weeks!!
Okay so basically its not an easy time but luckily theres about to be a long Passover vacation! It comes just in time (or I will collapse before that. I think my freshly-vaccinated arm from today will be affected by this stress and Ill be sick).
And omg B is moving soon! And maybe well be alone! I need to think about it again. <,<
Even though I prefer to tell only H first more than anyone I just feel that and I also thought about it. But its hopeless. No way if we hang out well be alone especially now that theres another English speakers project and me and her are in a group of 5.
But today I saw the hot boy who I think is from high school a few times for a second :D and to organise everything I need to do:
- Get ready for math exam on Friday and maintain good grades. (Will be hard with geometry)
- Find a hat and white shoes for the Smurf costume.
- Check my horoscope! (I wonder what was that thing about a new love in March :3)
?????3?5? 22:45 Thursday
Oh what a day. Im nervous and exhausted.
I came home only at three, did homework for private English class and started getting ready for math till 22:00. I havent even gone over the geometry, I barely remember anything, and its never happened to me! (too much TV + Wii ._.)
Im really really nervous and scared because I know I wont do well tomorrow (and I havent done homework for other classes). Mom will wake me up early to study as much as possible but Im pretty sure it will go wrong and well oversleep. It will just be a disaster tomorrow I can already see the tears.
The most important task for now:
Tissue. Im gonna need lots of it. Im gonna fail tomorrow.