Synopsis

In April 2024, after fourteen months of travelling the Far East, I returned to my country of origin in the Middle East. Apart from the food, I hadn’t missed a single thing (“The Holy Land | ארץ הקודש“).

Already on my first day, I came out to my mom, who asked me to keep my sexuality secret. Moreover, I discovered that unrequited love had scarred my body for life.

Despite spending nearly all my years here, I’d grown so used to Asian cultures, that every small thing in Israel shocked and vexed me. Constant criticism, pressure, and arguments from every person around me – whether friends, strangers, or family – added fuel to the fire ignited by the ongoing war, the worst in Israeli history.

After two weeks of uncontrollable longing, I began to re-adjust to this country. I realized that all my relationships were asymmetrical, and that I’d lost the love in my life (“The Ghost Writer, Part 1 | סופר הצללים, חלק א’“).

Yet the more I understood the ups and downs of love, the less it emotional it made me. Just like in middle school, I grew lonely, misunderstood, angry, haunted by nightmares, and unable to shed tears. I hated people for breaking their promises to me or for fighting, and decided that I no longer wished to love. I grew apart from my overbearing family and fell out of love, but also appreciated my belonging to a minority (“The Ghost Writer, Part 2 | סופר הצללים, חלק ב’”).

Only my trauma from middle school brought back tears. I attended the disappointing Tel Aviv Pride, reconnected with childhood friends, and finally got over my romantic obsession. I rejoiced over the relief that came with moving on, grew close to my family, and re-assimilated into Israel.

My trip and everyone from it seemed ages ago. I dipped my toes into the local dating scene, and began to appreciate certain aspects of Israel. Right when I started to feel good about my life here, though, it was time for farewell. I cried on my last day with my loved ones (“The Ghost Writer, Part 3 | סופר הצללים, חלק ג’“).

Three months in my most hated place on Earth ended up surprisingly cleansing. I relocated to Japan as a tougher, more mature person, who was no longer emotionally crippled by love (“Shalom | שלום“).

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