I see men’s judgments are a parcel of their fortunes, and things outward do draw the inward quality after them to suffer all alike.
Shakespeare, “Anthony and Cleopatra”
In chapter 4, I…
- Fear a relocation that would force me to make new friends, which was always a struggle
- Look forward to getting a Nintendo DSi
- Feel misunderstood by my friends
- Decide to come out to H in person
２００９年3月7日 22:44 Saturday
I finally found some time to journal. The costume is almost perfect but it’s not so bad… [not sure what I meant by this] I also checked my horoscope today but it wasn’t about tomorrow and next week so it didn’t really help me, I’ll check again tomorrow…
Yesterday was the math exam and it was so hard! No one finished it in less than two hours which is normally impossible because the limit is an hour and a half. I finished among the first and luckily solved everything because to my understanding a lot of kids (and [redacted] too) didn’t manage to solve everything… but I’m really really nervous because I’m still sure I didn’t do perfectly and no way I get a good mark!
I’m really bummed about the future. I mean we’re looking for a place to move to right now because we won’t stay in Ramat Poleg and it will probably happen at the end of 9th grade. Right now they’re building a new neighbourhood next to us “Ir Yamim” me and mom visited it today and also an apartment and it looks really nice and I’m trying to convince mom to move there because I don’t want to move to another city because I’m sure I’ll have a really hard time adjusting, making new friends like H, B, N, A, [some redacted names] … of course I don’t want to say goodbye to them and they don’t either and no way I’d agree to transfer schools.
(Need to close… sleep well for tomorrow – Purim!)
2009年3月12日 21:57 Thursday
Okay so today we went back to school after a “taste of a vacation” of what we’re expected (Passover).
Mom talked to grandpa and he officially said he’d buy me a DSi! Omg I can’t believe it!! And mom said she’d pay for a game!!! Omg the new Pokémon Platinum~ yeahhhhh!
I feel like no one understands me. Fine, I know it’s super natural during puberty (which is longer for me than what’s possible! I hate my genes), but still, H for example who really likes psychology and analyses a lot told me she’d analysed me a little – I asked her several times to tell me what she thought and she refused because “it would hurt me”. And it’s crystal clear to me it will hurt me because it might turn out to be very true, but I’m curious to see how I appear from the side and how much H was right with her speculations about me? As someone who’s really close to me I’m super curious to see if she genuinely understands me.
The thing is if I ever convince her to tell me it will happen through the computer. And I really think it will drag me into confessions like my sexuality, and I don’t want it to happen on the computer. I completely object to serious conversations on the computer – it just doesn’t feel right to me to talk so seriously through the internet. Especially when it comes to things this personal. Maybe I’ll ask her (after she tells me) to meet somewhere to talk. It actually strikes me as a decent idea – I’ll try it soon.
- Talk to H about her analyses of me
- Write grandpa what to buy regarding DS and video game!
- Ask mom to buy a new diary
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